ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
