if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
