new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
