How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
