He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
