I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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