the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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