overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
