hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
