Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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