Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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