So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
