i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize