did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
