Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
