Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
