Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
