In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
