Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
