apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.