this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.