I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.