You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were trust falling into bushes
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