Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
