My hand turned me down
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
