Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
