he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
