i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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