the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
