U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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