Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
