who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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