You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
