Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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