I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
