FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
