just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
