i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
