A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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