Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
