Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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