Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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