Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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