I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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