remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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