Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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