i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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