How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
