I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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