No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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