So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
