I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
