if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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