Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
