The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
