i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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