please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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