She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
