I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
