I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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