he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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