i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
