Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
