I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
