OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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