You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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