I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
