i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
