I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
