Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
