what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
