Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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