Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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