she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
