I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
