Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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